6 weeks and 2 days

Today we had our first ultrasound at NFC at 10:30. Nervous and Excited doesn't even begin to describe how we were feeling yesterday! I didn't sleep very well, that's for sure!!

Our new due date is Aug 20. So so so excited! Our little baby's heart beat was at 129 bpm. It was so amazing hearing it too! This made it all real! I go back in 2 weeks for my 2nd ultrasound. After this, I am done with the Fertility Clinic!! yay :) Then the week after that is my first appointment with my OB. So very blessed and excited!

Beta, Beta, Bo-beta!

Well all 3 of my beta tests are complete.
12-12: 894
12-14: 2348
12-16: 5353

We are definitely pregnant and couldn't be more blessed!!! And more excited!! I am having typical symptoms right, including tender breast, tiredness, light cramping and always being hungry. No morning sickness yet, but there have been a few times I felt like I could puke a bit. Hopefully I never have to deal with that. Ben said he could tell the same week of the transfer that I was pregnant. I wasn't sure, bc you can make yourself feel pregnant if you want it bad enough lol
Today I am 5w1d. August 17th is going to come so fast, I already can tell. Now all the fun begins, continuing to work on our names list, registries and all that jazz. I want it to be a surprise at birth on the sex, but I want to have the nursery all decorated before hand so I think we more than likely will find out lol. I'm impatient at times!
Our first ultrasound is scheduled on Tuesday December 27th!!! We can't wait to see our sweet little squishy!!! I think that will be its name until we find out!

We're Pregnant!!!

Well, yesterday, 12-12-11, I went for my blood work to see if little Hocker was on it's way. Sure enough....it is!!! My beta came back at 894! Kelli said wow it's high, but that it was a good thing. I go bacin tomorrow, 12-14 for another beta just to make sure all is well.

I can't believe it though! We are finally having a baby. Wow! My due date is around August 17th, 2012. Of course it will change a bit once I start going to the ob-gyn. I just don't know what to say.

I took this 12-12-11 while waiting for my results from the clinic. I waited to test the entire 2 weeks!

Last Update until 12/12

I got the last of my blood work done today, until the actual pregnancy test on 12/12. My E2 level was 523 and my Progesterone level is 31. Kelli, my nurse, said both levels are great and I should continue with my 1cc progesterone shot every night. Now we wait for 11 days. Soooo nervous! But sooo excited :)

Now we wait!

So, Tuesday Nov 29th was the BIG day. Transfer day!!!! I was sooo nervous I had a hard time sleeping the night before. And of course we still had the big choice to make of 1 or 2 embryos (praying that we had any to even use!). So here is how the day went!

We got to the Nashville Fertility Clinic (I don't think I've said where we have gone the entire time!) and checked in about 10:30, for an 11am check-in. I like to be early. They called us back and I had to undress waist down in the beautiful gown again. This time Ben got to wear some beautiful purple scrubs, booties, a hair net, and the mask. He looked super sexy!

So once my vitals were taken (158/89....very high for me, but I was sooooo nervous!), our nurse sent the Embryologist in to tell us the results from PGD. Out of 17 eggs they retrieved, 13 of them were mature enough for ICSI. Of the 13, only 9 fertilized. One of those stopped growing, so we were left with 8 before they tested for PDG. In the end, we only had 3 embabies that were balanced. They say 25% is the normal so we were right above that, which is great. But I was disappointed we didn't have more to be honest. Of the 3, we had 1 Grade A, 1 Grade B and 1 Grade C. The Grade C was left in the culture because it wasn't ready, and they were sure it would get to that point. (I got the call today, 11/30, that it didn't make it :(...) Grade A is above average and Grade b is average, so we had 2 amazing little embabies to use. Here is the first photo of them both :)

Grade B (left) and grade A (right)

After the Embryologist left, Dr Elben came in to help us decide to transfer 1 or both. She said with me being 23 and very healthy, she would suggest 1, only because the Grade A was so great looking. She was also afraid that by having 2 good embabies and transferring them both, one of them would split and leave us with triplets. She made a big point that we didn't want that, For health of myself and the babies. So in the end, we decided to transfer only 1. As far as I know, we transferred grade A (when I call tomorrow I will ask to verify) and we froze the other for another chance down the road.

So I took my Vicodin once all Dr's left my room, and then we just waited. We went into the OR maybe 11:50am and they got me set up and wrapped up in blankets. It was freeeeezing in there-I couldn't feel my toes! Ben was setting on a stool right next to me holding my hand the entire time! So sweet. They nurses used the Ultrasound machine to see if they could find my cervix and decided I needed to drink ever more (mind you, i had a big diet soda for breakfast around 10 and hadn't gone pee after 9:30am, plus drank a small bottle of water with my Vicodin. I really had to pee. And to drink water when you aren't thirsty? Well...it's hard). So 10 minutes later, Dr Elben came and we were ready to go. Ben got to look at the embabie in the incubator before they did the procedure. He said it was really cool. It was twitching constantly. I wish I could have seen it. The cervical stitch they put in last week helped out a lot for the transfer, although when they started tugging on it, I was thinking otherwise. I really squeezed Ben's hand for that one. But as soon as my cervix was straight and the catheter went in, the embabie was squirted in there and we were done. I'll be completely honest, it was emotional as I set there knowing that a baby was in me, it just had to latch now. We, at that moment were a family of 4, counting our fur baby :) Once cleaned up, I was wheeled back in my room and my bed was tilted back. I had to lay that way for an hour-until 1:13pm. It was a super quick process. I tried to lay there and sleep, but I was just so excited and hopeful. My mind was running wild. God willing, this was the first day I was with child. How amazing. I am so thankful science has come so far! 

I was on bed rest the rest of the day and today 11/30. It's been hard to just relax because I have things I need to do around the house, but they can wait. Ben has been very helpful, fixing food, helping with chores, and just snuggling with me. He will be a fantastic father!

I go back tomorrow morning at 10 for blood work to check my E2 and Progesterone levels. Then December 12th at 10am is the BIG DAY!!! It will be my first Beta test!!!! I am going to stick to my word and not take a HPT until after the appointment (of course I will only take the test at home if I don't get a negative at the Dr). This wait is going to kill me!!! But until then I will keep on looking at nursery ideas and making a list of baby names :)

Pre-Transfer <3

And There Were 17!!!

Well, Egg retrieval went fantastic! We got to the hospital a bit before 7 and a nurse pulled in pretty soon after us and took us upstairs with her. She had a yummy smelling dish for breakfast, which was a tease riding in the elevator with her, since I couldn't eat past 12 that morning. Once up there, I just read over paperwork with a different nurse, signed stuff, then got in a beautiful gown. It is indeed the latest fashion in hospital wear!

Told ya so :)

So I had to go empty my blatter and lay back down so the anesthesiologist could hook me up. He was a really nice guy, kinda funny yet strange. Then I had to wait on my Dr to get ready. He finally came in and asked if we had questions and then we were off. I remember them starting my medicine and going out of our room, where I saw my Dr walk in front of me to put on his scrubs. The next thing I remember was waking up back in the room with my nurse taking stats. That was some good stuff! I felt sooooo rested. Ben came back in a few minutes later from gathering his semen sample. I got a juice and some medicine for pain ( I wasn't in pain, it was like menstrual cramps really but my nurse insisted on something to help.) Then relaxed for about 30 minutes. I had to go to the bathroom (apparently 2 liters of liquid had gone through my IV drip), so the nurse came in and helped me go to the bathroom. It was hard to walk normal, I went pretty slow and kinda bent over. There was still a lot of bloating and some pressure. I had to get a cervical stitch so she warned me there would be a string that I may need to push back up inside me. I had some spotting too, which she said was normal. Back in the room she asked if I wanted some circles drawn on my butt so Ben would know where to give my progesterone shot, and of course I said yes! I wasn't trusting Ben to give me a shot! lol. It was kinda strange for her to be eye level with my butt but whatever lol. I am sure she is used to it. 

So the IVF lab Nurse came in and said we had 17 eggs!!! 17 eggs!!! How awesome is that!!! I have to call daily now to keep an update of them.

Friday morning I called and of the 17 eggs we got, they were able to preform ICSI on 13 of them, and of those 13, 9 of them fertilized!!!! Saturday morning the message said most of them looked good and Monday morning they will preform PGD on them and our ET is Tuesday at 3 pm. I am not super happy that she did not explain what she meant by MOST of them being in good shape, but I feel that if it was something to worry about, she would have told me. Today is Sunday and there was no message, kind of made me sad. I was looking forward to hearing about our little embabies! But I will hopefully get a call tomorrow!!! And I THINK we have decided to transfer 2 :) Still haven't decided 100% though :) I will defiantly keep everyone informed! 

On another note, we enjoyed a WONDERFUL few days back home in Kentucky with family after we left the hospital Thursday. I have the best families ever :) 

Quick Update Schedule

So here are my E2 levels from the start.

11/16- 286

11/18- 728

11/21- 2,271

11/22- 2,784

11/23- 4,232

Tomorrow morning, 11/24, I have to be at the Hospital at 7 am to prep for Egg Retrieval at 8am. I start Progesterone shots tomorrow as well as Medrol and some other pill ha! I found out today that I will have to have a cervical stitch. I assume this is because I have a tilted uterus, but not sure. Tuesday, 11/29 at 2pm is the current time we are doing our Transfer. The time could be earlier, we just have to stick to our phones. 

Now I am getting nervous!!

What is Estrodiol?

So I just got a voicemail saying that after 4 days of Follistim, my Estrodiol level is 286, which is really great. I have no idea what that is, so I decided to look it up. 

Apparently it is a sex hormone (hmm...never would have guessed!) that is 10 times as potent as estrone.. Except during the early follicular phase of your period, its serum levels are somewhat higher than that of estrone during the reproductive years of the human female. Thus it is the predominant estrogen during reproductive years both in terms of absolute serum levels as well as in terms of estrogenic activity. During menopause, estrone is the predominant circulating estrogen and during pregnancy estriol is the predominant circulating estrogen in terms of serum levels.

  So basically Im still not sure what all that means, but according to this chart, I'm in a good range :) 

I go back Friday 11/18 for another Estrodiol blood work and ultrasound.

Reference ranges for serum estradiol
Patient type	Lower limit	Upper limit	Unit
Adult female (follicular phase, day 5)			pmol/L
	110[5] 90% PI (used in diagram)	220[5] 90% PI
	19[1] (95% PI)	140[1] (95% PI)	pg/mL
	30[1] (90% PI)	60[1] (90% PI)
Adult female (preovulatory peak)	400[4]	1500[4]	pmol/L
	110[1]	410[1]	pg/mL
Adult female (luteal phase)	70[4]	600[4]	pmol/L
	19[1]	160[1]	pg/mL
	Thanks Wiki :)

Needles? Eh, No Thanks!

Well we are well into our IVF Cycle and I have already had my share of needles! My very first Lupron shot I really psyched myself out. I almost couldn't sleep the night before!  I gave myself the shot, and inserting fast is the key! Found that the hard way! Once in it's didn't hurt. But I did get a little bruise. My one and only. I took 10 units of this per day.

I felt off all week, like I didn't really care about anything and and I was a bit tired. But I dealt with it! Thursday the 10th was our first checkup. They said it would be about 3 hours so Ben and I took off the day. It ended up being 1.5 hours, so we just hung out together :) My BP was 150/80. My top is usually high like 128/130 at the highest. Can you say NERVOUS??? We forgot to retake it before I left. During the ultrasound, they did find a cyst on my left ovary. That is nothing unusual with my PCOS. But they want to keep an eye out on it. I had not started my period yet, so Kelli, our IVF nurse, was worried that my Estrodiol levels weren't low enough. They did the trial embryo transfer, which sounds worse than it actually was. It is like a Pap, but they put in this catheter type tube to measure the length to your cervix. This was Ben's first experience seeing anything like that lol. Anyhoo. We got our mailbox number set up before we left the office. We will call this every-time I go into the office and have blood-work to get results, and to *hopefully* keep tabs on our embabies in a few days! I was super nervous for the message to be left, because if my levels weren't low enough, our cycle was going to be pushed out further by a week or so. Luckily my Estrodiol level was 36, which is good. Not sure what that means, but I'm happy with that! And Friday AF arrived as Kelli had said it would. Sunday the 13th my new regime started. 5 units of Lupron in the Am. and 250iu of Follistim and 1 mg Dexamethason 12 hours later. 

Wednesday 11/16 and Friday 11/18 I go for more blood-work and an ultrasound. Currently our egg retrieval is going to be Wednesday 11/23 and the transfer will be the next Wednesday December 1st, as I understood. I will know more at the appointments this week. 

Now we are just trying to decide (if the Dr gives us a choice) if we want to transfer 1 or 2 embroys. It's a hard choice. So continue to pray for us :) 

We love you guys!!

Ben and Brittanie <3

Busy Month Ahead!!

So, after a long awaited period (I was 6 days late and had a negative pregnancy test), I finally started and we had the ok, go! to start our first bit of medicine. On Oct 21, I started birth control and both Ben and I started our Zpack. What we thought was going to be a 60 day process due to the sample calendar they gave us, is actually only a 32 day process!!!! How exciting!! So, here is our schedule for now :)

*Begin Lupron on 11/3 and we will continue this until our suppression check

* End Birth Control on 11/8

*Suppression Check on either 11/10 or 11/11

*Start Follistim on 11/13

*Etrodiol Level and Ultrasound on 11/11, 11/18 and 11/21

*Egg retrieval the week of 11/21

Then the transfer later that week. So that means THANKSGIVING!!!! woohoo. How awesome! And, today, 10/25, we are celebrating our 3rd anniversary! We are so beyond blessed and excited to have finally started the process. 

We continue to ask for prayers throughout this process. :)

In the Clear to Start!

We had a fantastic day yesterday! It started off a little bad, when we left an hour before class with a 35 minutes drive and still ended up being 20 minutes late after a wreck on the interstate, but we didn't really miss much.  

I felt a little out of place since we were the youngest in the class, I would say by at least 10 years. The lady that sat across from us had so much work done on her face, it was disgusting! Anyhoo, basically we went through a bunch of slides on different days of our cycle and got to practice giving shots to this square of fake skin. Ben had a ton of fun with this, so much indeed, I may need to find one for him for Christmas! Lol. I think as long as I write down a week at a time with what medicines and injections I need for each day, I will do ok. There is just so much, that I am afraid to miss something. And if you miss medicine, due to forgetting or running out, they will cancel your cycle :( But I won't let that happen!

Towards the end of the cylce, Ben has to give me an IM (intra muscular)  Progeterone in Oil shot in the butt. This reminds me of the shots I always got for Poison Ivy, so I am totally NOT looking forward to that. It's thick and the needle is the biggest we will be using, gives me the heeby jeebies just thinking about it! I think it was daily for about 2 weeks. I feel like I'm going to have so many holes in me by the end of this, that all my extra weight will just pour out! lol

But we got our first bit of medicine, birth control and a Z pack for the both of us, and that will start with my period this month, so around the 12th. 

This means right around Christmas we will find out if this is all going to be worth it.

October 5th is the big day!!!

So super stoked! This coming Wednesday in our IVF class, and the beginning of our new life hopefully! Of course it won't technically start until I start my period, which will be about the 12th, but still excited!! This is what Ben and I have been waiting for, and it is finally here! My stomach has been in knots the past few days, but for the good. We still couldn't do it without the help of his family and God.

I also hope to be changing something else in my life. Work has gotten to be way too much for me to handle, well more than I can to handle. There is more drama there than when I was in High School (and that was a lot! lol). I feel as if they are trying to make me choose between work and time with my husband, which I feel is super important right now. To me, FAMILY is ALWAYS more important than work. I am waiting to hear back, but I'm hoping to be a nanny for 2 sweet boys under the age of 3 for someone local to where we live. It would be a cut in pay, but it's flexible on hours, which allows me time to my family and for the upcoming Dr visits. And I love children, so I can't beat it! God will make sure we get by!! 

I am just very excited for what all is to come in our life. Keep us in your prayers!! Thanks :)

Ask And Ye Shall Recieve

When you pray for something enough and wish enough, there is always one person who comes through for you. God. God puts amazing people in our lives to fulfill things He wants done. As you have read, we have been trying to figure out finances to cover our IVF treatment. We have been on vacation relaxing with family this week and our finances have been taken care of. I have the most wonderful mother and father-in-law as well and grandmother-in-law who have given their hard earned money up in hopes of a first grandchild and great grandchild. Word cannot explain how grateful we are for them right now. If it was not for them, we came to the conclusion it would be this time next year possibly before we could start. I really can't say thanking enough, but they know. Now we make the call Monday that we are ready to begin!!! How exciting! This time next year we will be expanding our family one more, praying that everything works out in our favor. We continue to ask for your prayers as we finally begin our journey through this long process.

IVF in the Near Future?

So it's been a hot minute since my last post, huh? To be completely honest, I can't post a whole lot, other than some financial stuff we found out. We were given a financial company who will loan you up to $15,000 for any medical expense. With super great credit, and a 5 year loan, we'd have to pay back a little over $300 a month, which is currently doable, but once we have a child, I don't plan on working and we may not be able to do that. So at this point, we decided we would just have to wait until we saved up more money. 

Then we went home and I must say, we have 2 amazing people in our life. Beyond amazing. They are not my blood, but they are , if that makes sense. They have been there for us since we got married, and as much as they could once we moved. Once things work themselves out we will share the names. But basically they have $10,000 they want to give us to use towards IVF. When they mentioned it, my jaw kinda dropped and I wanted to decline immediately. But God made sure they could save that money to use it for this reason, or at least that's how I feel. Ben and I are trying to decide what we want to do, and we still need to discuss more with these 2, but I feel that God is paving the way for us to become parents. Either way, however we decide, I know that Ben and I are going through this, together, for a reason. 

Just keep us in your prayers :)

Finances and Waiting. Hmmm

So, not too much has happened since my last post. I had my blood work done 2 weeks ago almost and was told that everything looked perfect....great hormone levels, no chromosome problems, etc. But we did get some bummer mail. Ben's blood work cost $1510. Insurance only covered $100.96 bringing out total to $1414.04!!! WHAT?!?! Yea that's what I said. That's a lot of money for some blood work. So I called the lab about a possible discount (never hurts to try) or a repayment plan, and they said there is no help but they did have a 5 month payment plan. Basically you just pay what you can every month. After 5 months if you aren't paid in full, you start another 5 month repayment plan. That's better than having to pay in full by August 9th!! HOWEVER, there is assistance available based on income. And currently we make too much money for anything. I did get the paper to fill out just to try for help, and it has a section to write any extra details on why you need help, so this is great! Maybe explaining to them about what we pay each month in student loans will help them see that we really can't afford it. What makes it even worse is that I had the exact same blood work, so we are expecting another $1414 bill in the next month. So I hope this goes in our favor. If not, God will be there to provide us with a way of affording this. 

We have our Genetic Probing appointment August 10th, to discuss all the details, then we are done with Dr Hill until we save up the money for a round of IVF. Until then, we will just keep practicing ;) Practice makes perfect, right?!?!

This is how I feel currently!

*Insert Title Here*

Let me tell you, this trying to have a child thing is so stressful. That and my job. I have sadly gained 13 lbs the last 2 months. And let me tell you---I am NOT happy. I worked my butt off to lose the 58lbs I got to and now I gained. But what do I do when I am stressed and depressed? I eat. Out of pure boredom and the fact that it's comforting. So I have got to get out of this slump and get back down to those 13 lbs and pass it up. I can and will do it.

We also have decided to wait for #IVF treatments. We plan on paying off what Dr bills we have accumulated to date, then paying off student loans as fast as possible as well as save as much as we can towards the IVF. Of course, we'd love to just get pregnant on our own (which we will continue trying) and not have to spend all that money, but whatever it takes. We (I more than Ben), and learning to be more patient and let God be in control. There isn't anything I can do about the situation except go with it. God has a plan for us all, even before we were born. And I need to let it happen how He wants :) Don't let me fool you into thinking I am perfectly ok with waiting at least another 3 years to pay for IVF, but let me tell you I am slowly accepting that fact. A little more everyday, especially when I look at our finances. 

Until then, like I have said before, I have my beautiful little niece to enjoy and a husband who I couldn't be happier with. We are coming up on our 3rd wedding anniversary, and these have been amazing alone, so what's another possible 3 the same way? God will make it happen when it's time!

Life Isn't Always Fair

So Ben had his urologist appointment this past week. He does NOT have verogacile. The Dr said everything looked good and the only thing he could think was that there is something between the brain and testicles that aren't connecting and doing their job. He did however give him Clomid to take every other day. He said it could take a few months for numbers to rise but it was worth a shot. 

We also had set up an appointment with the lady who does genetic probing at NFC in early August, but after the phone call I just got, we will be canceling. I got a return call from the IVF Financing department trying to get a close to exact price and an idea of any payment plans. So with our genetic probing (this will give us the best chance of no miscarriages and a perfect embreyo) and the IVF cycle (ONE cycle), the cost is $16,050. With all the medicine I will have to take to make sure that the pregnancy becomes viable, it will be right at about $19,500. For a baby. $19,500. Oh, and NO payment plans. We can't afford this. Not even close. We still owe $19,700 on my student loans. 

So that is my stab in the heart for the day. We just want to have a child. A part of both of us, combined into one. We want to do all the things everyone around us is getting the chance to do with their families. But we hit this wall, and we have hit it hard. God will find us a way through, we just have to be silent, wait and listen. No matter how hard it's going to be. We just have to. I guess we've just learned that Life Isn't Always Fair. 

Please just keep us in your prayers. At this price, it is probably going to be a few years before we can even attempt to get the ball rolling on this. Pray that we find strength and patience through this process. Pray that we don't turn our backs on each other or blame the other for this. Pray that we become closer and understand each other more. 

Thanks so much :)

Translocated Chromosomes and a Diet Dr Pepper Anyone?

Sorry it's taken me so long to write about our recent Dr's appointment. Seem's there is never enough time in the day or week even. But I am super glad when it's over, that's for sure! 

First off, it was super nice to sleep in that morning, even though it was only for about another hour. Every little bit helps! Got up, got a shower, got all pretty (and of course, I got my work clothes together since I had to go in after. But it's always nice to fix my hair!) and headed to Mickey D's. Yea, I know it's not good for my diet. BUT I was nervous and hungry. And I needed my caffeine! So I got myself a sausage cheese biscuit and a Large Diet Dr Pepper. Yum! We get down to the Clinic, and there was only 2 other people there, much different from the first trip we made there. We finally got into the room, and Dr Hill came in and shook our hand, blah, blah, blah. 

Basically he told us the same thing that he mentioned the day of my HSG test. All of Ben's hormone levels were perfectly normal, he just had a chromosomal abnormality. There are about 6 different things that could include. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chromosome_abnormality  

Might I add that we saw Dr. Hill for 6 minutes and it costs us $110?!?! I'm going to become a Dr!!! Ha :)

Ben has Trans-located Chromo's, hence the title. His number 4 and number 12 Chromosomes has switch. So he doesn't have too many, or too little. Dr Hill said what this meant for us is a 50% chance of miscarriage each time we conceive. The other 50% would be split: 25% of the time, we could have a baby with perfect chromosomes and the other 25% would have chromosomes like Ben. So our best chance for a child will be Genetic Probing (where they find the perfect embryo and implant it in my uterus). This will cost about an additional $4,000 on top of the $12-$15,000 for the IVF treatment alone. But we would have a 70% or higher chance of the transfer actually working and resulting in a healthy pregnancy. 

BUT we are going to hold off on all of this genetic testing and such, until Ben's urologist appointment 7/6/11. We believe that he has Varicocele.  http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002263/

His father had this medical problem and after having it taken care of, they conceived in 3 months....3 months!!!! How awesome would that be?!?!? So we are crossing our fingers that this is what our problem is, that we can get it fixed and be on our happy way to making a family!!! 

So this is the latest update for you. Sorry if I rambled, I am sure I did. Hope everyone has had a wonderful 4th of July...I had to work, so I am tired! 

Thank You to all our troops! God Bless!!!!

No Pain, No Gain, Right?!?

So today was my HSG test with Dr Hill at Centennial, downtown Nashville. Ben actually got to go with me :) So first of all, I had to take 600mg of Ibuprofen with breakfast this morning to help with pain and I HATE medicine. Really. I do. But I took it anyways. We got to the Surgery Center at 7:10, 20 minutes before our mandatory 1 hour early arrival time which was fine, because I had 5 pages of paper work to fill out. Might I add that this was the same stuff they required me to get online and fill out last week. Pretty stupid if you ask me. But that's ok! So we will out the paper work and wait for the nurse to call my name. When the nurse finally came out to get us, she told Ben to sit back down. I was kind of nervous at this point, because I wanted him in there with me. But on the way back she said don't worry. Once we get you changes and take vitals he can come back here with you. That put a smile back on my face. I wasn't really looking forward to doing this alone by any means. After all my vitals were taking she gave me a green gown (AND it actually wrapped around my ENTIRE body and had extra!! I hate the little paper things that fit size 0 people! lol) and some slipper gripper socks! Let me tell you, I was the envy of that floor! HA!

Here I am relaxed waiting on Dr Hill to come in and let me know what we're getting ready to do. That was the most uncomfortable pillow ever. But I was very glad for those socks and blankets because it was FREEZING in there!! 

Once Dr Hill came out of surgery he came to my room and let us know what was going on. They were going to take me to the OR, (and Ben wasn't allowed in there which made me sad and even more nervous.) and once I transferred beds they would do a few ex-rays on my pelvic area. I actually got this awesome heater tube put under my blanket since it was even colder in there! After that, they cleaned the outside of my "stuff" I will call it, then insert the ICE COLD "tongs" ( I have my own wordage due to the fact that I can't spell out what it actually is!)and cleaned the inside. I thought this would be a breeze but oh goodness was that stuff all COLD!! I clinched up a little but couldn't move much because they strapped my legs into the stirrups. Like I'm gonna get up and run with stuff down there! Lol. Anyhoo. Once everything was sterilized, he gave me a shot to numb my cervix which hurt pretty bad and I was hoping that that would be the worst of it, but boy was I wrong. Once he inserted that dye and started moving my cervix, I teared up. (I have an inverted uterus by the way.) It was the WORST pain I have ever had in my life. I can't really describe it either, but it hurt something awful. Of course all the nurse's rub your arm and ask "Are you ok, honey?" knowing good and well you aren't because you're crying. BUT the news made it all worth while.

Dr Hill showed me the ex-ray of my cervix. Here are two different photos. They printed too many so the guy who did them asked if I wanted a souvenir. Duh.

A fantastically perfect uterus, other than the fact that it's inverted!

This is my uterus full of fluid and you can see where it started to fill my fallopian tubes on both the left and right side.

He said that everything looks super great but he still wants to get my blood work down to make sure that I don't have any genetic problems. However once they rolled us back into the room, he let us know that part of Ben's blood work came in and it showed Chromosomal Abnormalities, which he was worried about. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chromosome_abnormality

There could be a number of things that means, but regardless we will still love our baby :) We have another appointment June 30th at 8:45 am to discuss all the blood results of Ben (this is unless all the test for him haven't come in yet, then we need to reschedule). On the 2nd or 3rd day of my next cycle, which should be June 13/14th I have to go in for my blood work. 

But overall it was a pretty great day with awesome news. God is amazing and that's the only reason we got the great news! If it wasn't meant to be, it wouldn't have been. 

1 Chronicles 16:12 Remember His marvelous works that He hath done, His wonders, and the judgments of His mouth.

HSG Test Monday Morning

    So I received a phone call from the Fertility Clinic today to schedule my HSG test. It is June 20th at 8:30am. An HSG test is: http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/guide/hysterosalpingogram-21590

    Basically they run dye through my insides to make sure there are no blockages or any other problems. I have to pay for it before hand and let me tell you, these tests and blood work, etc are starting to add up. I know that God will always take care of us though. (I actually had a friend message me about moving in for 2.5 months for a temp job. Think of the extra income! God knew what we need always!! We still have to discuss it but I'll keep you up to date.)

    I am kind of nervous but I know that things will work out the way they are supposed to be. 

    Exodus 15:2 The LORD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation; this is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him.

Leading up to and Including Our First Trip To Nashville Fertility

You know how some people want to grow up and be a CEO, some want to be a Dr and others want to be a Firefighter, right? Well, I grew up wanting to be a MOM. I am not sure why, honestly. Maybe it's the tiny toes and fingers, the chubby cheeks, the cute clothes, the smell of baby powder or the massive amount of drool pouring from a babies chin, but something about all of that makes me want to be a Mom. I want to wake up at all hours of the night to nurse, I want to change dirty diapers and get peed one (by my own child, not just my niece , although I love her dearly!)  Maybe I even want to drive a mini van and be a "soccer mom". That's my dream in life. No matter what career I follow, I want to be the mother to a precious child. Ben and I have talked about it many times, and this is what we both want. A baby that combines a piece of the both of us, something we've created, something we can raise and enjoy every moment with.

So last January 2010, I went for my yearly Obgyn checkup only to find out I had PCOS. I had always had irregular cycles, but never thought anything of it other than my weight being a factor. I mean I LOVE food...what can I say?!? But once I found this out I was really disappointed because I knew it would be much harder to have a child. If you aren't sure what PCOS is, check out this Wiki page:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polycystic_ovary_syndrome

In September I decided enough was enough and wanted to lose weight to get healthy and make conceiving easier. 55 lbs down and 6 rounds of Clomid (a fertility drug) later, we still are not pregnant. We have been trying the past year. After an ultrasound with my Obgyn, things looked good on my end so we decided to have Ben do a semen analysis. We received not so good results and were referred to Nashville Fertility Clinic, where we had our first appointment today.

    We see Dr Hill. He is an older Dr and seems very knowledgeable, although we didn't understand half of the words he used. Basically here is what we understood: Ben's semen analysis came back below normal. The average sperm count for a male is 15 million. Ben's was 300k. And as I understood it, the average motility is 32% and Ben's was at 4%. So this is a major concern. Dr Hill also did an ultrasound on me (this is only my 2nd and I keep praying the next that we will see a baby in there) only to find a few cysts on my left ovary and a thickened endometrium which he was concerned about. He also thinks I may have some polyps on my uterus. 

    We scheduled an appointment to get a Hysterosalpingogram once my cycle starts next week, which will run a dye through my fallopian tubes to see if I have any blockages. I also have another apt June 13th for an ultrasound to check on my cysts...He thinks they are most likely from the last round of Clomid we took and hopes they will dissolve. Ben also has to have another semen analysis to see if his first count was the norm for him. Then we will go from there. He is also going to run a bunch of tests on us, including hormome, genetic and more blood work. He seems to think that In Vetro Fertilization will be our best shot, but that is the last big surgery we want to try. We found out that normal couples TTC have a 20% chance of actually concieving every month they try. We currently have way less than that but if we do IVF, our chances could shoot up to 70% at most, but also result in multiples.  He also mentioned finding a sperm donor and I looked at him like he was crazy. We won't even go there. 

    Now I'm not going to lie. Once we left the building and got into our vehicles (we drove separate because Ben had to return to work) I cried and cried and cried some more. Then when I was done, I cried a little more. The whole way home I just cried. If we feel so strongly about being parents, why is God putting this roadblock in the way? Well God knows just what we need and He has a plan. We just need to realize that and go with the flow. 

    But we are trying our best o wrap our heads around everything we found out today as well as save up for all of this. We knew having a child would be expensive, but we never planned on the medical costs of infertility. So this process may be a few years longer than we want, but as long as we can have a healthy baby, we are ok with that. This makes me think back to my favorite Bible verse, Psalms 37:4, "Delight yourselves in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart." So if we just pray to God for His will to be done, then everything will turn out. Until then, we have a wonderful and absolutely precious niece we will continue to spoil and love on. I think she was brought onto this Earth for this reason specifically. 

To anyone reading this, if you have been through this, could you please let me know how you got your mind off of things? I mean, I know I will never stop thinking about it, but how do you cope? What things are you doing to increase your chances and such? We don't know much about all of this since this is our first try, so any information, tips, etc are appreciated!

Let Me Introduce You

    I'm new to the whole blogging thing so forgive me. I'm not worried about correct grammer nor am I worried if what I type doesn't make sense to you! Today I wanted to introduce you to Ben and I if you don't know us.

    I was born in Jacksonville NC July 30th 1988 and grew up in Arlington KY for most of my life. My mother's name is Jeri Lin and I have 3 younger sisters: Kelsie-who has 1 daughter, Anjerika-, Jonel and Shaina. Ben was born August 27th 1986 in Paducah KY and grew up down the road in Arlington as well. His parent's are Robert and Cynthia , and he has only one sibling, a younger brother, Jonathan.

    We went to school and church together never really thinking of each other as more than friends. I guess my senior year of high school is when I got serious when it came to wanting to date and I had my eye on him! There was just something about him that I couldn't help but love. He was always there to listen when I needed someone to talk to and he'd talk when needed. He could make me laugh when no one else could. He loved to do a lot of things I did, such as cooking, playing games and watching movies. Cliche I know but that's who we are. You could find us together a lot with youth at our church. So I decided to write him a letter before I left for college in 2006. So happens he felt the exact same way and on September 6th we decided to give it a shot, even though I moved away for college 4 hours away the next month. We knew it would be hard, but we wanted to see how things went. We defiantly had our ups and downs, but we think that being such great friends before dating makes us a better couple.

Ben proposed on December 19 2007 in Louisville where I was attending school. We actually went to the mall to pick up some Christmas gifts and when he asked what I wanted to eat for dinner I replied "I don't care", he told me to grab the directions of of the truck door. He had made reservations at a super nice restaurant, The Patron. I expected he might propose there because we had been discussing it, but nothing. I'll be honest I was kind of let down. Afterwords we went and looked at Christmas lights then headed back to the apartment where I realized I had lost my keys (little did I know it was all part of the plan). He called my roommate and she was across the parking lot. Ben started to drive around towards her then stopped. He got me out of the truck (it's freezing might I share) and I realized what was happening. There were candles all down the walkway and rose petals as well. We got down to the end of the walkway and there was a heart out of rose petals with a huge bouquet in the center. My roommate was there taking photos. He got down on his knees and asked me to marry him. What else he may have said, I'm not really sure because I was crying and in shock!  Of course I said yes though! 

    It was a very exciting time in our life as well as scary as we starting really thinking about our fast approaching future together. He graduated from Murray State May 2008 and I graduated Sullivan University October 2008. I tied the knot with my best friend October 25th 2008. We enjoyed a wonderful cruise to the Bahamas for our honeymoon....We hope to take many more trips like that. Its so much fun traveling the world together!

    Fast forward 5 years and here we are today. Ben has been an IT Analyst at Caterpillar Financial in Nashville since 2008 and I have been decorating cakes in a grocery store since 2009. (He has his degree in TSM, I have mine in Culinary Arts/Baking and Pastry Arts). We bought our first home April 2010 and got our first dog at the same time. We can't wait to see where we are in 5 more years. Hopefully we will have started a family by then and I'll be doing cakes on my own as a steady full time income. Until then we just take life one day at a time and try to enjoy everything, even the small things.