Children too are a gift from the LORD, The fruit of the womb, A reward. – Psalm 127:3

Monday, June 20, 2011

No Pain, No Gain, Right?!?

So today was my HSG test with Dr Hill at Centennial, downtown Nashville. Ben actually got to go with me :) So first of all, I had to take 600mg of Ibuprofen with breakfast this morning to help with pain and I HATE medicine. Really. I do. But I took it anyways. We got to the Surgery Center at 7:10, 20 minutes before our mandatory 1 hour early arrival time which was fine, because I had 5 pages of paper work to fill out. Might I add that this was the same stuff they required me to get online and fill out last week. Pretty stupid if you ask me. But that's ok! So we will out the paper work and wait for the nurse to call my name. When the nurse finally came out to get us, she told Ben to sit back down. I was kind of nervous at this point, because I wanted him in there with me. But on the way back she said don't worry. Once we get you changes and take vitals he can come back here with you. That put a smile back on my face. I wasn't really looking forward to doing this alone by any means. After all my vitals were taking she gave me a green gown (AND it actually wrapped around my ENTIRE body and had extra!! I hate the little paper things that fit size 0 people! lol) and some slipper gripper socks! Let me tell you, I was the envy of that floor! HA!

Here I am relaxed waiting on Dr Hill to come in and let me know what we're getting ready to do. That was the most uncomfortable pillow ever. But I was very glad for those socks and blankets because it was FREEZING in there!! 
Once Dr Hill came out of surgery he came to my room and let us know what was going on. They were going to take me to the OR, (and Ben wasn't allowed in there which made me sad and even more nervous.) and once I transferred beds they would do a few ex-rays on my pelvic area. I actually got this awesome heater tube put under my blanket since it was even colder in there! After that, they cleaned the outside of my "stuff" I will call it, then insert the ICE COLD "tongs" ( I have my own wordage due to the fact that I can't spell out what it actually is!)and cleaned the inside. I thought this would be a breeze but oh goodness was that stuff all COLD!! I clinched up a little but couldn't move much because they strapped my legs into the stirrups. Like I'm gonna get up and run with stuff down there! Lol. Anyhoo. Once everything was sterilized, he gave me a shot to numb my cervix which hurt pretty bad and I was hoping that that would be the worst of it, but boy was I wrong. Once he inserted that dye and started moving my cervix, I teared up. (I have an inverted uterus by the way.) It was the WORST pain I have ever had in my life. I can't really describe it either, but it hurt something awful. Of course all the nurse's rub your arm and ask "Are you ok, honey?" knowing good and well you aren't because you're crying. BUT the news made it all worth while.
Dr Hill showed me the ex-ray of my cervix. Here are two different photos. They printed too many so the guy who did them asked if I wanted a souvenir. Duh.
A fantastically perfect uterus, other than the fact that it's inverted!
This is my uterus full of fluid and you can see where it started to fill my fallopian tubes on both the left and right side.
He said that everything looks super great but he still wants to get my blood work down to make sure that I don't have any genetic problems. However once they rolled us back into the room, he let us know that part of Ben's blood work came in and it showed Chromosomal Abnormalities, which he was worried about. 
There could be a number of things that means, but regardless we will still love our baby :) We have another appointment June 30th at 8:45 am to discuss all the blood results of Ben (this is unless all the test for him haven't come in yet, then we need to reschedule). On the 2nd or 3rd day of my next cycle, which should be June 13/14th I have to go in for my blood work. 
But overall it was a pretty great day with awesome news. God is amazing and that's the only reason we got the great news! If it wasn't meant to be, it wouldn't have been. 

1 Chronicles 16:12 Remember His marvelous works that He hath done, His wonders, and the judgments of His mouth.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

HSG Test Monday Morning

    So I received a phone call from the Fertility Clinic today to schedule my HSG test. It is June 20th at 8:30am. An HSG test is:
    Basically they run dye through my insides to make sure there are no blockages or any other problems. I have to pay for it before hand and let me tell you, these tests and blood work, etc are starting to add up. I know that God will always take care of us though. (I actually had a friend message me about moving in for 2.5 months for a temp job. Think of the extra income! God knew what we need always!! We still have to discuss it but I'll keep you up to date.)
    I am kind of nervous but I know that things will work out the way they are supposed to be. 
    Exodus 15:2 The LORD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation; this is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him.

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Leading up to and Including Our First Trip To Nashville Fertility

You know how some people want to grow up and be a CEO, some want to be a Dr and others want to be a Firefighter, right? Well, I grew up wanting to be a MOM. I am not sure why, honestly. Maybe it's the tiny toes and fingers, the chubby cheeks, the cute clothes, the smell of baby powder or the massive amount of drool pouring from a babies chin, but something about all of that makes me want to be a Mom. I want to wake up at all hours of the night to nurse, I want to change dirty diapers and get peed one (by my own child, not just my niece , although I love her dearly!)  Maybe I even want to drive a mini van and be a "soccer mom". That's my dream in life. No matter what career I follow, I want to be the mother to a precious child. Ben and I have talked about it many times, and this is what we both want. A baby that combines a piece of the both of us, something we've created, something we can raise and enjoy every moment with.
So last January 2010, I went for my yearly Obgyn checkup only to find out I had PCOS. I had always had irregular cycles, but never thought anything of it other than my weight being a factor. I mean I LOVE food...what can I say?!? But once I found this out I was really disappointed because I knew it would be much harder to have a child. If you aren't sure what PCOS is, check out this Wiki page:

In September I decided enough was enough and wanted to lose weight to get healthy and make conceiving easier. 55 lbs down and 6 rounds of Clomid (a fertility drug) later, we still are not pregnant. We have been trying the past year. After an ultrasound with my Obgyn, things looked good on my end so we decided to have Ben do a semen analysis. We received not so good results and were referred to Nashville Fertility Clinic, where we had our first appointment today.
    We see Dr Hill. He is an older Dr and seems very knowledgeable, although we didn't understand half of the words he used. Basically here is what we understood: Ben's semen analysis came back below normal. The average sperm count for a male is 15 million. Ben's was 300k. And as I understood it, the average motility is 32% and Ben's was at 4%. So this is a major concern. Dr Hill also did an ultrasound on me (this is only my 2nd and I keep praying the next that we will see a baby in there) only to find a few cysts on my left ovary and a thickened endometrium which he was concerned about. He also thinks I may have some polyps on my uterus. 
    We scheduled an appointment to get a Hysterosalpingogram once my cycle starts next week, which will run a dye through my fallopian tubes to see if I have any blockages. I also have another apt June 13th for an ultrasound to check on my cysts...He thinks they are most likely from the last round of Clomid we took and hopes they will dissolve. Ben also has to have another semen analysis to see if his first count was the norm for him. Then we will go from there. He is also going to run a bunch of tests on us, including hormome, genetic and more blood work. He seems to think that In Vetro Fertilization will be our best shot, but that is the last big surgery we want to try. We found out that normal couples TTC have a 20% chance of actually concieving every month they try. We currently have way less than that but if we do IVF, our chances could shoot up to 70% at most, but also result in multiples.  He also mentioned finding a sperm donor and I looked at him like he was crazy. We won't even go there. 

    Now I'm not going to lie. Once we left the building and got into our vehicles (we drove separate because Ben had to return to work) I cried and cried and cried some more. Then when I was done, I cried a little more. The whole way home I just cried. If we feel so strongly about being parents, why is God putting this roadblock in the way? Well God knows just what we need and He has a plan. We just need to realize that and go with the flow. 

    But we are trying our best o wrap our heads around everything we found out today as well as save up for all of this. We knew having a child would be expensive, but we never planned on the medical costs of infertility. So this process may be a few years longer than we want, but as long as we can have a healthy baby, we are ok with that. This makes me think back to my favorite Bible verse, Psalms 37:4, "Delight yourselves in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart." So if we just pray to God for His will to be done, then everything will turn out. Until then, we have a wonderful and absolutely precious niece we will continue to spoil and love on. I think she was brought onto this Earth for this reason specifically. 

To anyone reading this, if you have been through this, could you please let me know how you got your mind off of things? I mean, I know I will never stop thinking about it, but how do you cope? What things are you doing to increase your chances and such? We don't know much about all of this since this is our first try, so any information, tips, etc are appreciated!

Let Me Introduce You

    I'm new to the whole blogging thing so forgive me. I'm not worried about correct grammer nor am I worried if what I type doesn't make sense to you! Today I wanted to introduce you to Ben and I if you don't know us.

    I was born in Jacksonville NC July 30th 1988 and grew up in Arlington KY for most of my life. My mother's name is Jeri Lin and I have 3 younger sisters: Kelsie-who has 1 daughter, Anjerika-, Jonel and Shaina. Ben was born August 27th 1986 in Paducah KY and grew up down the road in Arlington as well. His parent's are Robert and Cynthia , and he has only one sibling, a younger brother, Jonathan.

    We went to school and church together never really thinking of each other as more than friends. I guess my senior year of high school is when I got serious when it came to wanting to date and I had my eye on him! There was just something about him that I couldn't help but love. He was always there to listen when I needed someone to talk to and he'd talk when needed. He could make me laugh when no one else could. He loved to do a lot of things I did, such as cooking, playing games and watching movies. Cliche I know but that's who we are. You could find us together a lot with youth at our church. So I decided to write him a letter before I left for college in 2006. So happens he felt the exact same way and on September 6th we decided to give it a shot, even though I moved away for college 4 hours away the next month. We knew it would be hard, but we wanted to see how things went. We defiantly had our ups and downs, but we think that being such great friends before dating makes us a better couple.

Ben proposed on December 19 2007 in Louisville where I was attending school. We actually went to the mall to pick up some Christmas gifts and when he asked what I wanted to eat for dinner I replied "I don't care", he told me to grab the directions of of the truck door. He had made reservations at a super nice restaurant, The Patron. I expected he might propose there because we had been discussing it, but nothing. I'll be honest I was kind of let down. Afterwords we went and looked at Christmas lights then headed back to the apartment where I realized I had lost my keys (little did I know it was all part of the plan). He called my roommate and she was across the parking lot. Ben started to drive around towards her then stopped. He got me out of the truck (it's freezing might I share) and I realized what was happening. There were candles all down the walkway and rose petals as well. We got down to the end of the walkway and there was a heart out of rose petals with a huge bouquet in the center. My roommate was there taking photos. He got down on his knees and asked me to marry him. What else he may have said, I'm not really sure because I was crying and in shock!  Of course I said yes though! 
    It was a very exciting time in our life as well as scary as we starting really thinking about our fast approaching future together. He graduated from Murray State May 2008 and I graduated Sullivan University October 2008. I tied the knot with my best friend October 25th 2008. We enjoyed a wonderful cruise to the Bahamas for our honeymoon....We hope to take many more trips like that. Its so much fun traveling the world together!

    Fast forward 5 years and here we are today. Ben has been an IT Analyst at Caterpillar Financial in Nashville since 2008 and I have been decorating cakes in a grocery store since 2009. (He has his degree in TSM, I have mine in Culinary Arts/Baking and Pastry Arts). We bought our first home April 2010 and got our first dog at the same time. We can't wait to see where we are in 5 more years. Hopefully we will have started a family by then and I'll be doing cakes on my own as a steady full time income. Until then we just take life one day at a time and try to enjoy everything, even the small things.